Tomb Raider (2018)

  • Gist: Heiress goes in search of long-missing father, becomes Indiana Jones.
  • Script: SO many golden opportunities to be self-referentially funny, lost forever.
  • Editing: Action sequences are well done. Rest is what was felt necessary to bridge Action scenes.
  • Visuals: Action scenes are well done.
  • Video game: This movie’s based on a (much longer) video game, so it leans heavily on Action and skips the game’s exceptional character development.
  • Acting: Sorry, I misspelled that: A-C-T-I-O-N: Pretty good.
  • Tomb puzzles: Several, but they zip past the window as the Action Bus crashes through pesky plot barriers.
  • Gun Control: Bad Guys’ cool array of Action Rifles all have a safety feature that makes them hit only dirt, whereas pistols, arrows, and thrown knives are lethally accurate at any range.
  • Directing: “I said ‘Action!’ What do you tink ‘Action’ means?? Stup yakking and ‘Action!’!”

Conclusion: See it if you want some…heh heh. I’m funny.